Traveling A Difficult Journey Thru A Mother’s Heart

Weathering The Storms Under The Protection of God’s Umbrella

December 5, 2017

design-5This page is a journal written from a mother’s heart while watching her only daughter struggle with chronic medical issues on a daily basis.

My daughter has been traveling down a very difficult road for the past three years and we still do not have all the answers to what is going.

There are many difficult days she goes through that consists of countless doctor appointments, endless days of pain and constant headaches and chronic migraines.

I always feel bad if I speak or talk of my emotions because who am I to say anything when she is the one struggling? Anyone who is a parent or has the love for a child knows the pain you experience while watching your children struggle in pain. It is a pain that only another parent can understand.

This is why I am going to start journaling her journey here. I need a forum where I can release my emotions and concerns in what I feel is a safe place. I am praying as I process and release them here, I will be able to continue to be her source of strength and encouragement she depends on, whether she realizes it or not.

Please, I ask, continue to keep her in your prayers. I am concerned her long road she has already travelled may not be behind her. I have a huge concern they may have only prepared her for a road that lays ahead.

Lastly, as I have prayed before in earlier posts, if anyone else is going down a similar road or journey, know you are not alone. It is my continuous prayer our trials will encourage you that know there are others who have or are experiencing something similar. Hang tight my friend! We will get through this storm together and remember no matter how rainy it gets, God is holding the umbrella for us keeping us dry as well as giving us amazing rain boots to keep our feet dry.

A Mother’s Journal of Broken Thoughts

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A Mother’s Heart Is Full of Love Always

I am going to be using this page to journal my thoughts of how we get through the day to day life with my sweet daughter.

I need a safe place to process my thoughts without overwhelming those who are around me and who listen to me on a regular basis.

This has been a very long journey, one of four years where my daughter’s health has just continued to decline and her chronic migraines have tried to consume her.

These past few weeks have been excruciating to watch her struggle through her day to day life just trying to push through the pain she experiences. I watch her with my heart and arms held open wide, but all I find I can do most times is just keep praying because nothing else works. I can not make the pain go away, I have tried. I can not make her feel better, I have tried. There is “nothing” I can do but to watch her agonize over her very own body.

I have been feeling a weight upon me that I am overusing my friends and prayer warriors to pray and help us to walk through this difficult journey, so instead of constantly using them to listen to my frazzled mom brain ramble and try to process all it does, I am going to being journaling here instead.

If there are other people who are out there and they know first hand or are watching a loved one travel this difficult journey, maybe you will find this page encouraging and/or enlightening as well.

I have always said, I do not mind traveling a difficult road if God’s purpose is to use it to encourage others along the way.

It is my prayer maybe this is the time to allow God to use my daughter’s difficult medical journey to help and encourage others as well.

Finding Humor in The Everyday

0CECACAB-4513-476E-B4FA-657B2A74F925Finding humor in amongst the everyday for our family.

This is what you do when you are a mom of a family who is either sick, injured or recovering from surgery in my family,

I baked up my sugar and gingerbread men cookie dough cookies so I would have Christmas cookies to serve visitors should they come by this week.

Now I have lots of snowflakes and injured gingerbread men in my kitchen.

Here are the pictures of my finished cookie project.

 
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Checking In

Hi Friends,

B56B2286-12CB-4BED-BCDF-F42D9FEEA2C5Hang tight, I know I need to post 2 Christmas recipes as well as an encouragement for today.

I am now to the point where I am going to be laying low this afternoon. I was up all night last night icing kiddos foot to keep her ugly surgery pain at bay, but to no avail. She got up this morning feeling that ugly pain as well as a headache. She was able to take some of her meds now she has had her surgery so she finally found something to get it controlled since it was borderlining a migraine.

I was able to bake her some protein rich muffins (which I will post here since she liked them) and some protein rich granola bars so she can snack on healthy food which will promote quicker healing, I hope.

I also wanted to get my house picked up so it doesn’t get ahead of me, but exhaustion has settled in.

We are living by an alarm still, but as long as the ice keeps the ugly pain managed then I will continue to do it. The doctor is having her ice 15 minutes on with 30 mins off. It is amazing how fast that 30 minutes in between goes.

I wanted to drop by to reassure you all that I am still here and will make every effort to keep posting even though she is down.

Thank you for your patience. I truly means a lot to me.

My Apologies

design-22I’m sorry I didn’t get a recipe posted today. I have been busy getting things in order before my daughter has surgery in the morning.

Once I get her home and settled in I will try to post two entries tomorrow.

If you feel inclined to pray for her, I know she would appreciate all of them.

Continued prayers over her sinuses, head, and her migraines would also be appreciated. She has done well so far, but there are many hours left that she could find herself in pure agony.

Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Journaling Through Sickness

Writing My Way Through My Thoughts

Just as I thought tonight was going smoothly my child comes to me and says something has gone wrong Mom. These are not words you want to hear one, as you’re getting ready to go to bed shortly and two, when your child just had sinus surgery/procedure a couple of days ago. My heart sunk as a mom because I am not an ENT expert (which I should be by now) so I don’t have the answers to what could be going on.

I have pondered everything I know about this situation. I went back in my memory for every conversation we have had with the doctor over this procedure, but nothing. I can’t remember anything they would have told us about this to know what she is experiencing is normal.

img_1258To God I turned. I had to lean on Him for guidance and wisdom. I turned on her diffuser, despite her inability to smell it and left her in God’s hands.

After talking this over with a couple of people, I am having to get through the night believing her problem tonight is “normal”.

I am writing about this because it is one of the many struggles we have been battling over the past few years. I am trying to live my life more intentional which is why I am writing my way through tonight’s worry I have for the gazilionth time so I can truly release the concern I have for my daughter tonight.

I truly want to leave this situation in God’s hands so I can rest knowing she is ok. I want to break the cycle of worrying over things I don’t have any control over.

We will see in the morning if this in fact worked. It will either be a quick night or a long night. However it plays out I am hoping rest will be obtainable.

Is anyone else struggling with this problem in their life? If so know you are not alone. I am here beside you struggling with the same difficulty.

With God’s strength, all of this will work itself out.

 

Writers Block

Exhaustion Is Difficult To Conquer

I am struggling with finding the words to write during this intensely exhaustive time I am in.  I want to write my way through this time because it provides healing and clarity to my thoughts but where are my words hiding?

I have been thinking of some amazing topics to write about, but when I sit down to put them on paper, I totally draw a blank.  I search my memory, but I can’t find them.

img_1335When I went into January I knew it was going to be a trying month at best and was concerned how I was going to survive and here I am.  I wish I could say that I have triumphed this serious obstacle with much grace, but this isn’t feeling very graceful or pretty. Twenty-seven days later and I am exhausted, worried, frazzled, discouraged, and just worn out completely.

This is an abbreviated break down of what my month has looked like. I have managed to get my daughter’s blood work done to rule out a fatigue disorder, 2 sinus balloon surgeries (which she is still struggling to heal from), she will begin her immunity testing this coming week as well as a month’s worth of weekly allergy shots. This is just her.

Next comes my husband who has also had several doctor appointments to prepare him for surgery next week. I would not recommend this schedule for anyone who wants to be sane afterwards.  I would also not recommend it for the person who lacks a solid support system.

Oh my gosh, to say please stop the train and let me off is an understatement. This schedule has been so intense but thankfully it is almost over. If this all comes together in the end, both my husband and my daughter will be recovered by mid February. I am hoping by getting all of this done, their health issues will drastically decrease thus giving them both some quality of life again.

I have been carrying the load for both of them for a long time. I haven’t been able to look to them for any help I have needed. I am their helper all the time. Hopefully by conquering this struggle now, a better quality of life will come to all of us.

I am not sure if this helps you to understand why I haven’t written anything this week, but know when this journey has been finished you will see me more. I just have to get through about two more weeks before life slows down long enough for me to think again.

I continue to ask for your patience as I continue to work on getting my blog up and running more consistently.

Happy Friday!!

Doctor Mom In The House

Apology Note

I am sorry I haven’t posted the past couple of days. I have been taking care of my Kiddo who has been recovering from a sinus surgery which became complicated by a debilitating migraine that sent us to the Urgent Care immediately following her second sinus procedure.

 

img_4250I am pleased to announce with the help of her medicine she is finally able to be pain-free and to see that brings total peace to this momma’s heart.

 

When I am exhausted I have a hard time finding the words to write. They get lost in the web of lost thoughts in my mind.

I am hoping today will be a much better day for her. Now if I can get past this totally exhaustive state of not getting a much needed good night sleep then I will be able to post something real and meaningful later.

I hope you have a wonderful Wednesday!